Toy of the Century

How many times have you found yourself clinching your fist, yelling to the skies, "If only I had a flying screaming monkey that I could slingshot at will!" This all-too-common dilemma has finally been rectified. I just purchased a fleet of five slingshot flying screaming monkeys. I'm quite excited about this purchase, whose selling point was obviously:

As an added bonus, every time you shoot him, he lets out two loud monkey calls. We don't know why he does this, he just does.

Now, naturally, slingshotting five flying screaming monkeys myself would be a pretty tall order; cast out your assumption of a flying screaming monkey Napoleon complex on my part. A number of these are intended as gifts--amazing gifts sure to please. And, as was noted in a conversation with my friend Becky, how can a flying screaming monkey not live up to a 3.99 value?

I've been lazy and procrastinating all day, which means tomorrow must be especially productive. I'm hoping to both start and finish a paper for my North American Politics course as well as to finish my Vanderbilt secondary, so I can finally schedule my interview with them. As they're on rolling admissions, I should have done this long ago. Upon completion of this secondary, I will post excerpts from the autobiography it is requiring me to write.